Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
