He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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