apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
