well I can't set my house on fire every night
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
