I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
