I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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