I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
