hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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