Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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