when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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