I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
