Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
