I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And then my night got REAL pukey
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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