We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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