I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
