Welp...herpes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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