She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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