Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
