And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
