Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
