We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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