she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You just made me feel so damn special
I just cut my nipple shaving
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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