I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
