and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
