it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
