you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
