ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My first STD was from a foam party
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
