you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
