I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
