We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
