That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He has the fingertips of a God
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