White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
