So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
