Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize