Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let's paint friendship bongs
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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