All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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