in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
