Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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