Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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