i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
