Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
