Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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