I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
