I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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