Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
