Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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