You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
