he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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