just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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