the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
