wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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