Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
